Everyone has their own comfort zone, where they’re comfortable and confident. Some people’s bubble is bigger than others. Unfortunately for me, I grew up in my own tiny bubble, safe and hidden. Hidden from the all the harsh challenges and hardships of the outside world. For years, I thought I was happy, I thought I was contented because as a child, what could be better than going to school, getting excellent grades, going back home, completing homework and then doing it all over again. In primary school, all I did was study and even if I do say so myself, I was excellent at it because that was the only thing I did.
And then high school came around and I was exposed to an even bigger environment. I started to realize that there was more to life than just my little bubble of comfort. There are so many more things that I did not know about and I have not tried doing. Most importantly, there are so many more things that I am not good at, and what shattered me the most, was the fear. I knew I was afraid of trying new things. I knew I hated failing. To me, nothing beats the pain of failing and nothing scares me more than trying again after a failure.
One of the many things I was not particularly good at was sports. I was never an athletic child. I couldn’t run as fast as other kids, nor was I good at any sport. I was the dead weight in any team sport I was forced to play in during P.E classes. I was that girl who couldn’t run or score a goal for her life, and no one wanted me in their teams. I was quite possibly the most physically weak child you could ever meet. Even if I didn’t show it, I felt like a loser.
But then, my little bubble expanded a tiny bit when I found CrossFit. I gradually found what I could potentially be good at despite the failures. I started believing in myself more, especially with people who believed in me more than I did. The one person who pushed me through everything was Nashrul, a CrossFit coach and one of the very few people who understands me fully.Then, there was the real challenge. Only a few months since I started CrossFit, I voluntarily signed myself up for my very first competition, the Beast of the South East, a competition that required me to run, weightlift and do gymnastics at a high intensity. What I did was sign myself up for something my past self would never have done in a million years. If you think that was the end of it and I’ve learnt my lesson, that’s where you’re wrong.Signing up was one thing, training for the competition was another. I had to face countless nights of practice, and it never felt enough. Some nights were bearable but most nights were horrible. These were nights when I couldn’t tell which was worst, the pain of breathlessness and the pain aching through my entire body, or the pain of failure. These were the nights I constantly question myself why I even bother. Why do I even care to put myself through hell when I know I have never been good at this? I wasn’t destined to do this. I was never made for this. Training for each workout and event got me panting and gasping for air, running for dear life and just trying to survive till the end of the workout. I had to battle both my physical and mental pain simultaneously. My body screamed for a break, my legs muscles were building lactic acid and aching all over while I can hear my pulse beating like a drum in my ears. The thought of just giving up in the midst of it all constantly popped in my mind but of course support was always there for me. Shouts and yells to “get up!” “Pick it up!” “Let’s go!” slowly picked me up and even though I crawled to the finish line, I got there. If I were to tell you how many nights I’ve almost burst into tears just during training itself, you’d think I’m crazy.
However, all it took was a good rest to sleep the pain away and the next day would start with more and more desire to compete and do better. Competition day finally arrived… and I was numb beyond explanation. I had to do all the things I would never even do in my worst nightmares. I had to run through the jungle alone, lift weights I have never lifted before above my head, and get more cardio exercise than I did for the last 19 years of my life. How was I going to do that in just 2 days of competition? No amount of training and practice made me feel anywhere near ready for that. The numbness quickly turned into nervousness before each event. I remember the weightlifting event on the first day. My heart was beating like a drum and my body turned ice cold. My face turned ghostly pale while my head was pounding with a crazy painful headache. I started warming up with an empty barbell, but when I attempted to make a lift, I failed. And that was just an empty barbell. My heart starting beating twice as fast and I panicked. I felt my face growing hot and my eyes were starting to water as I scan the crowd for my coach. It was only a few minutes to go before the event started. I didn’t have to tell him anything, my face said it all. But I was assured that I will do just fine and we were all ushered to the platform. Stepping onto the platform and looking around me, I saw many familiar faces and I knew I couldn’t let family down. Most importantly, I couldn’t let myself down. My vision went blurry but I could hear the shouts of support and encouragement, and that was enough to help me hang on. I plucked my last few strands of courage up and I surprised myself with one successful lift. Probably no one else noticed, but my comfort zone started expanding from then on.The rest of the events were a series of emotional roller coaster. Most of my low points consisted of me thinking to myself in the middle of an intense workout, “what if I just give up right now? What if I just plop down on the floor right now in front of everyone? They can’t possibly hold that against me… can they?” The problem was, I knew deep down, I would hold that against myself. Through my high and low points during the 2 day competition, Nashrul was there picking me up when I fell and giving me a pat on the back for every little victory I achieved.
At the end of the last day of the competition, I couldn’t have been happier with the amazing memories I have made, and best of all, the priceless experience and lessons it offered. I found my weaknesses and I overcame them. It was the toughest battle I ever had to fight but it wouldn’t have felt worth it if it wasn’t. Ladies and gentlemen, you can either be comfortable or courageous but you can’t be both. You can either hide under you safety blanket or see what the world has to offer. It’s up to you to fight through blood, sweat and tears in order to break your limits. If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. We are all only one step away from discovering amazing things about ourselves. Pluck your courage up and take that one step.