two minds two voices.: Thoughts

“Your face lights up and your eyes twinkle whenever you talk about him.”

I have never heard these words from anyone about a guy before; well, not until this guy came along. Those words were murmured when both of us were still friends and it took me by surprise on how my face can light up talking about a friend. Ever since then I wondered, what’s so special about this guy?

I never really told anyone how I truly felt about him because I saw him first and foremost as a friend; a best friend in fact. He knows more about me than anyone else – we share things with each other; secrets, jokes, events that happened in our daily lives, everything. As I got to know him more, I genuinely feel that this guy is extraordinary. He has opened my eyes to a whole different world, he makes me realize things that I didn’t before and to put it in one sentence; he simply brought colors to my life.

I strongly denied my feelings but everyone could see the truth no matter how hard I tried concealing them. Everyone said it was obvious cause it showed the way I talked about him – it showed from my face, my voice, my eyes and I was honestly stunned by the fact that someone could actually make me feel that way. I kept rejecting my feelings, I said no to myself, I denied, denied, denied until the day I couldn’t anymore. I can now say, after 4 years, I am completely head over heels over my partner in crime.

He has always been there for me during my ups and downs even though I know he gets annoyed sometimes hearing all my girly problems. He always has my back for anything – I remembered that I had a point in my life where I thought everyone was against me and he sincerely said to me “I got your back, no matter what” and I knew those words were true.

I know that in life nothing is perfect and I know we both are not but despite all the flaws, I know that I would choose him over and over again. This guy really has earned a special place in my heart. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us; I know it’ll be a good one.

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Thank you google for these cute photos!

So I know in Brunei, the results for the GCE 'O' Level and 'A' Level were out last Saturday and of course there were mixed emotions regarding to this - some were happy but some were otherwise. It took a while for the results to be out too and I know the anxious feeling waiting for your results especially when you've worked hard for it (or because you know you didn't do well) but regardless, waiting for results is energy draining.

To the lot that received amazing results, congratulations to you guys! I’m sure you guys worked your bums off for that and I am genuinely happy for the outcome. Although, to those who didn’t score as well as they hoped – here I am telling you that, this is not the end of the world. We all know how hard you worked but still get the same results? It’s heart breaking but hey, giving up is not an option. If you think that I don’t know what you must be going through then you are wrong.

During my A Levels, I yolo-ed and took subjects that I didn’t have backgrounds at; they were Business Studies and even worse, Accounting. I took Geography and Malay Literature as my optional subjects in high school and for me to jump to the business world; well, all of it were alien to me. I still remembered the day we had to choose subjects for A Level, we were asked to go around and ask for permission from the head of department (or the teachers available that time) of our preferred subjects if we can take the subjects or not.

The Business Studies teacher was kind enough to cut me some slack despite me not knowing anything about business then but the Accounting teacher almost didn’t give me the slot as she said it would be too hard for me and she doesn’t think I’ll be able to do it. I know her intentions were good but what she said made me want to prove everything wrong, even I, someone who doesn’t know anything in accounting, can do it.

The first few months of studying Business Studies and Accounting were awful – I spent my break and lunch time studying and revising for the two subjects. I even texted my friend almost every night to help me with accounting and I’m sure she got really annoyed hehe. All my classmates were very helpful too!

Fast forward to AS exam in June; I was devastated to see bad results for both Business Studies and Accounting after studying my bum off. I almost gave up but as I said, giving up is never an option for me, regardless in anything. So I kept studying, revising, and revising again day by day; I even went to tuition classes for accounting just for the extra revision. My tutor gave me A LOT of past year papers to study/revise from. I don’t remember going out as often when it was close to the exam dates BUT I’d like to advise all of you, please take a day or two to breathe from all your studying, you’ll thank yourself for it.

Anyhow, come results day, I was utterly shocked seeing my results especially in Accounting. It jumped from an E for June AS to a B for my A-Level. Yep, I’m not even kidding. (Note: This is not me bragging, it is merely a statement).

The point is, I want to tell everyone who is currently demotivated due to their results last week, to not give up, ever! I want everyone to keep working hard and giving it their best. It may be hard now but once it’s over, I want you to not have any regrets despite the results. I want at the end of the day, even if it’s not the result you want, you’d go “Well that’s ok, I tried, maybe it’s just not for me” than to say “I regret not studying hard enough!”.

This might be cliché but nothing is impossible; you still have time to work for it, you still have time to push your grades up. Don’t let your results now demotivate you and please, please don’t compare yourself to others. I know it’s hard not to but it’ll just make you feel crappy and we don’t want that. Aspire to be like them instead of being bitter that they got amazing results. Make them as your motivation instead; if they can do it, you can too!

I know this is somewhat a long post but please don’t give up. It breaks my heart to know that every one of you, who has the potential to go far is giving up NOW because of these results. These results don’t determine your intelligence, remember that too. The world is big; it’ll find a place for all of us. So please keep working hard and do it at your own pace. As Liyana’s post last time, you do you. Don’t let anyone or anything demotivate you, everyone has a bright future ahead of them if you strive hard enough.

I wish you all the best for the future. Not just for the ‘O’ and ‘A’ Level students but to each and every one of you. Don’t give up easily, life is hard, life sucks, we all know that but dance in the rain instead of waiting for it to pass. The feeling of seeing the rainbow at the end is truly indescribable, it’ll be worth it guys.

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I wear glasses.

I've been needing glasses to see ever since I was 7 years old, diagnosed with astigmatism.What is astigmatism? I'm no optometrist but let me tell you how it feels living with astigmatism. Everything is a blur. Literally. My laptop screen, my phone screen, people's faces, my face on the mirror. Everything. Don't even get me started on trying to see the board or projector screen in class. (This could be a separate post on how my daily life is without my glasses)

I gave in to wearing glasses everyday ever since I started driving because I am almost as blind as a bat at night. Contact lenses are a no-go because astigmatism prescription lenses are expensive to pre-order for the rest of my life.

Here are the #firstworldproblems glasses-wearers go through, at least in my experience:

Laying down with glasses

There are times when I just want to be normal and lay down while I watch a movie on my laptop. But the glasses forbids. Everything just gets disrupted when laying down causes it to be crooked. I can never get comfortable with my head on a pillow while having perfect eyesight. Never.

Smudging make up

You know that area on the bridge of the nose where the glasses rests? Make up never lasts there. It's the land where make up should never be applied. You either get foundation smeared on the glasses or smudged make up on the bridge of your nose. You choose which one is worse.

What's an eye make up?

Eyeliner on fleek? Eyeshadow blending skills? Fake lashes? What are those? Why waste money on those when they're going to get hidden behind those frames you need for seeing? That's ok, I didn't feel like vamping up my eye make up anyway *cries*

Glasses sliding down my nose

What's nerdier than having to push your glasses up every few seconds? Nothing. What would I not pay for non-slip glasses. Sigh.

Keeping the shawl in place

The glasses move an inch, the inner moves, the shawl moves too. One heart, one soul. They say beauty is pain.

Keeping them clean

The least favourite part of my day is when I take off my glasses only to see all the foundation stains on the temples of my glasses. Another pet peeve of mine is wearing my glasses right after a workout when my hair is drenched in sweat. Do you know how icky that feels? If only I didn't need them to drive back home at night.....

The fog

That few seconds of complete blindness after exiting a super cold room. The biggest problem is exiting the library where I usually have both my hands full with heavy bags, that means no free hands to carefully take off my glasses and wipe them clean. Nor do I have the patience. A few seconds of walking blindly always seems like the better option.

I'm sure there are many more where these came from. Tell me, my fellow glasses-wearers (?), do you feel the same?! Tell me I am not alone.

Liyana Sidek

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