two minds two voices.: March 2015

It's no doubt that I have been crazily busy with assignments, revisions and all that as the semester is ending. I haven't been going out to watch a movie or go out to shop cause I would either be studying or sleeping. I had a moment where I just wanted to give up but I know that wasn't an option. Everything has been so so hard but I'm still alive cause I have amazing, wonderful people around me to support me in every single way. They lift me up when I fall (not literally cause i know they'll laugh at me for falling down instead of helping me up), they make me smile even when I don't feel like it and I am constantly incredibly thankful for each and every one of them but with everything that is going on, all I needed was just to step back, breathe and rest and I did that yesterday.

TelBru had a family day yesterday where they rented the whole of Jerudong Park Playground for the staffs' families to enjoy and I was so so SO happy that we get to go on rides for free and the best thing about that was... no long queue. You read that right guys!! No long queue!! I bet you're jealous of me now! OH and they even rented the waterpark!! I regretted not bringing extra clothes though cause I would loveee to jump in the water especially on a hot hot day.

But the highlight of the day was, I FINALLY WENT ON THE ROLLER-COASTER! I went to JP playground a countless times but I didn't have the courage to go on the roller-coaster cause it looks scary. On my way there I kept whining and asking myself "why am I going to the roller-coaster.." "what am I doing with my life" "WHAT IS LIFE!!!" I kept saying that until I sat down on the seat, and when it finally started moving, I closed my eyes. I was basically closing my eyes 98% of the time, and that other 2% I told myself, ok, open your eyes now and when I did, I regretted that decision so "nope, keepin them close" I didn't scream on top of my lungs though cause yea I didn't have the courage to even open my eyes! but I didn't regret going on the roller-coaster. Well maybe a bit, but one thing for sure.. I am never...ever going on one again and If I happen to go to JP Playground again with my friends and they insist on going on the roller-coaster.... I'd say no. NOPE. NOT AGAIN!!!! IM NOT RISKING MY LIFE TO GO ON THAT THING AGAIN. I'm just gonna sit there... and think about life... and how happier I am to be sitting down instead of going on that scary thing.

I went on the carousel twice too and I was tempted to go on it the third time but the person in-charge was looking at me as if I was crazy so... better not! Afterwards, we went on the bumper cars too and my sister.... sigh my sister.. she hit my car and I moved from my seat! YES! I moved to the seat next to me.. and not to mention, strangers also hit my car countless times. I think they were planning it from the beginning cause I was squished by 3 cars.. sigh, so painful. BUT IT WAS FUNNNNNN!!!

So... to sum up, I was thankful to have a good day yesterday despite everything that has happened to me for the past few weeks. A little advice to everyone, even if you're busy with work, don't forget to take a step back, and give yourself space to breathe. You'll realize you'll be more happier and more motivated to do your work after that.

To those trying to finish up their assignments or going to sit for their exams soon.. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST!!! You guys can do this!!! We all can :)

Sabrina

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The Opens aren't officially done yet but I sure am.

I have attempted the last and final 15.5 workout last night, on the day it was announced and maaannnn am I glad I did it!

I decided to blog about it today when everything is still fresh in my mind and I can still feel the pain I felt yesterday during the attempt. (physically too, I am horribly sore). But I don't think I will ever forget how it made me feel and the lessons the Opens has taught me.

But before that, a little bit of back story:

I have never been super fit growing up and sports was never really my forte. I tried netball when I was in high school and I think I was the reason my team lost. I tried track and field, I wasn't bad but still not good enough to be called an athlete. In sixth form, I played for my school's rugby team, it was good fun and I enjoyed it but I wouldn't say I was amazing at it. The only reason I still cared about getting out there was because I loved food and as much as I hate to say it, I am quite vain about how I looked and how much I weighed.

I joined CrossFit about 3 months ago with the hopes of just wanting to see what CrossFit is all about and liking it. A few weeks through and I have never felt so unfit in my life! I worked out alongside people who are more than capable of lifting twice my body weight, run twice and thrice as fast as me and endure so much more than I could! You'd think intimidation would creep up on me but these people are one of most supportive bunch of people I have ever met and for every little thing I achieve, their support lifts me even higher.

My confidence rose gradually and it was forced up even higher when Nash signed me up for the CrossFit Opens. He told me it would be amazing, I'd learn a lot of things and it would be the time for a lot of firsts. Was he right?

He couldn't be more right.

I learned that mentality is just as important as physical ability.

All throughout the 5 workouts of the Opens, I have learned that mentality plays a huge part of it. If you tell yourself that you can't do it, chances are, you will really fail. I have re attempted 3 out of 5 workouts because I mentally freaked out on my first attempt. My mind was telling me all sorts of things that I shouldn't be telling myself and that caused me failure. The second time around was much better because I learned how to control the negativity and fed myself with confidence.

The pain of regret hurts more than the physical pain of a workout.

As soon as each of the 5 workouts were announced every week, I have a constant debate with myself whether I should do RX or scale it down. A part of me gets afraid that I will not be able to survive it but a part of me says just try. What do you have to lose? I knew that the only thing stopping me was fear. But the competitive side of me kicked in and I pushed my fear aside. During the Opens this year, I got my first ever toes to bars, RXed my overhead squats, learned how to skip properly, RXed thrusters and most of the weights I have attempted are my very first time doing it. I surprised myself by doing RX in 3 out of 5 workouts.

Never underestimate the power of support.

I thought the energy and support of the community would diminish during the Opens because everyone would be too focused in doing their best in their own workouts. But I have never been so wrong! The support doubled or if not, tripled!! The energy of everyone in the box was crazy! I have always known support does wonders to people, from my experience in Toastmasters (this would also deserve another post of its own soon) but I didn't know it could lift you this high.

Take my last and final workout for example. It was the keeper of all hells. But they say, if you're going through hell, keep going. But that was easier said than done. I chose to attempt RX because I know regret would haunt me if I didn't. It caused me terrible pain physically and mentally. I don't think words can even describe how I felt then. My entire body burned and ached. My clothes were drenched in sweat. My hair was all over the place. My body cried out to stop and all I wanted to do was to slump down and stay there forever. After every lift, I got lightheaded and my vision blurred at times. I shook my head in defeat countless times and I groaned that I wanted to give up. But who didn't let me? The community. My friends. My support system. They were there the entire step of the way. I pushed through my pain and told myself that I have to finish it. It hurts like hell now but it would hurt more if I gave up. And I did it. I freaking did it. I stayed on the floor shaking in pain after the workout. I couldn't get up and I couldn't feel my arms. Who was there to congratulate me? The exact same people who stayed with me through all the pain. My eyesight blurred and I couldn't think about anything else but I heard all the wonderful things they had to say and that was more than enough to ease the pain.

I have learned to do it because I love it.

I no longer do the workouts because I have to but because I want to. I have learned that it gives me enough satisfaction to want to do it and in everything I do, I aim to do my best.

Believing in yourself is vital.

Everyone knows this but not everyone lives by it. I've always known that self confidence is important but it was only proven to me now. If I didn't have an ounce of belief in myself, I couldn't have fought through all the challenges and pain. Because after all, no one else can make you do anything but yourself.

All these lessons I've learned will stay with me for a very long time and hopefully forever and I'd like to thank everyone who has made all these worthwhile!

Shout out to Team Pogi for being an amazing team!

And how can I forget the amazing Coach Nash for standing by me and supporting me the entire time!

The entire community has been nothing but wonderful!!

Liyana

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After the super sweet post by Sabrina, I was incredibly touched that I decided to return the favor because inspiration has been overflowing recently. The photo above was taken after only a few months of being friends and clinging onto each other like sisters (before we officially declared ourselves as sisters) (I assume her post for me was an officially declaration by her) (even though I've officially declared mine long ago) (I remind her everyday too).

I've known Sabrina for only less than a year despite being passer-bys in sixth form years ago. The first conversation exchanged between us was during our first semester in university when our paths met again and that was because we both had mutual friends or friend - Nisa (this crazy person will be in another post - hopefully soon -). We had almost all the same classes together in our first semester and that's how the friendship sort of started and bloomed. We both started taking group assignments together and working with her has been nothing but absolute bliss! It eventually led to camping out at each other's places to work on group assignments with our other two main ladies (Nisa & Wanna) and also revise for exams. 2nd semester came and we got even closer with more classes and lectures together and even getting to know each other's families. We even found out that we're actually distant relatives, much to my joy and her dismay! (Just kidding, she loves me, man).

Spending time with this lady can go from stupid jokes to deep conversation in a second. I've always felt like I could tell her anything at all and I wouldn't feel like I was being judged. Being brought up almost the same way, with disciplined parents and education as the main goal, she understands me completely. I don't think this girl has a single judgemental bone in her body. Smart is her middle name and she can rock gorgeous anytime! (probably not funny but worry not, that's what I'm here for). She is the person who shuts me up in class (or anywhere, for that matter), keeps me sane when working on assignments and spoils me with food. She sounds like my boyfriend, doesn't she? Apart from Nash (worry not, this amazing person will be featured in another post soon as well) and a few others who mean the world to me, she genuinely supports me in everything I do and is constantly there to lift my spirits. What more can you ask for from a sister?

We're so close like PB&J, which is why we made this blog hehe (sister points +10 for this post)

Liyana

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